You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
