She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
