guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
