Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
