so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
