What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
