well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize