watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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