the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
