Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
