so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
