I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
