I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
