It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
