i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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