You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
