I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
