just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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