I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
