Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
