If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
