i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
