Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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