nut hugger
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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