It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The air taste purple.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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