I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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