They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
