All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
