My hand turned me down
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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