if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize