he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize