Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
