I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
