Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You ruined the universe
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize