sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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