and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
