I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
