alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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