On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
