My sheets look like a crime scene.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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