Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
