well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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