when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
