After last night, I could never be a politician.
I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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