I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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