Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
