Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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