We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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