all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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