If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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