so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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