Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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