Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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