i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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