yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
