Your face is a jimmy john
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ok first of all what the fuck
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
