I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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