How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
