Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
