He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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