I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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