Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
