i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
