I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize