I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
