So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
