R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
