why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
