shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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