I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
