hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
