he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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