so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
