Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize