She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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