I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i dont even know how to be here
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
