if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
